Grouchosuave’s Holiday Guide
Kids DON’T say the darnedest things…
when they’re wasted!
HOWTO Make Christmas Exciting Again
- Butcher a live pig on the front lawn, doorstep, whatever.
- Go shooting. Maybe at a shooting range.
- Superglue every car door lock at the mall on Chrismas Eve. (Two-step epoxy mixed with steel shavings works the best.)
HOWTO Make Your Coworker Burn His Nostrils With Hot Coffee
(Conversation at jobsite around Valentines Day…)
- K: “Valentines is such a bitch. Got the fiancee something.” *slurp* “Took awhile cuz she doesn’t like chocolate.”
- Me: “So whadja get her? Handcuffs, a gallon of Neosporin and an hour alone with your garbageman?”
(And my job was done. Ta-daaaaaa!!)