Grouchosuave’s Holiday Guide

Kids DON’T say the darnedest things…

Too much Too much You did too much!

when they’re wasted!


HOWTO Make Christmas Exciting Again

  • Butcher a live pig on the front lawn, doorstep, whatever.
  • Go shooting. Maybe at a shooting range.
  • Superglue every car door lock at the mall on Chrismas Eve. (Two-step epoxy mixed with steel shavings works the best.)



HOWTO Make Your Coworker Burn His Nostrils With Hot Coffee

(Conversation at jobsite around Valentines Day…)

  • K: “Valentines is such a bitch. Got the fiancee something.” *slurp* “Took awhile cuz she doesn’t like chocolate.”
  • Me: “So whadja get her? Handcuffs, a gallon of Neosporin and an hour alone with your garbageman?”

(And my job was done. Ta-daaaaaa!!)


~ by grouchosuave on November 12, 2007.

2 Responses to “Grouchosuave’s Holiday Guide”

  1. i just read your post about the tribute to dave. how sweet! how touching.

  2. (oh and the reason i posted her instead of there is it didn’t give me an option to post on that one.)

    but thankfully it forced me to look around your site and snort hot coffee on myself after reading the neosporin comment.

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