Have You Ever Felt Like Just Shooting A Poodle In The Head with a Shotgun?

Or “Gentrification Death March a la Dante’s Inferno”

super shorty shotgun

I just walked about 5 miles in the rain to avoid some all too common stupidity. After going to a great German restaurant with my roommates who I enjoy and like immensely, I went along with them to “the bar.” This is the usual watering hole for a certain crowd that I hang with and as is the case with this boozy routine, it all turned to shit.

After a little manufactured female drama and a few too many minutes of the all-too-predictable “I’m jabbering all too loudly about nothing in particular” conversation, I looked around me and felt totally sick. The hipsters with their fucking stupid “outfits,” the girls all pomaded to attract guys that they can snub, the cliqued-up little clutches of folk, the self-narcotizing predictable behavior… Fuckin A! Just the array of tattoos was making me nauseous. What I would give for a simple moment of sincerity…

I left for the sake of all concerned. A five mile walk through the rain, the cold, the ghetto and a disgusting yuppie belt of “loft/condos” was my best option for not murdering someone.

Walking in the rain, I get my stride, my rhythm. With the swing of my legs dissipating my despair and boredom, I hit the new belt of yuppie “lofts” taking over a neighboring pocket of our industrial ‘hood.

Hello Hades.

Fuck!  Who ARE these people ?!

They have gardeners and townhouse bylaws and nannies and car payments and new stereos in their Hummers and Volvos and sensible commuter imports locked up behind remote controlled gates. They have Starbucks coffee cards, unstained casual clothes for the weekend and play dates for their over-sanitized children. Why do you want to move into our beat up, marginal, quasi-artistic neighborhoods?! What do we have that you want? You buy freeze-dried facsimiles with none of the essence that is behind our choices, our willful trajectory out of the norm. You think a little corrugated tin will make you “bohemian”? You are destroying whatever it is that you are desperately trying to emulate, whatever it is that you are trying to buy. The truth is far too messy, simple, ordinary and wonderful for you to grasp. Have you watched too many Woody Allen movies set in SOHO? You commute to work and dream of a death that’s a three-point-landing. You have poodles that bark at pedestrians that dare to walk by your alarmed windows. You have options of buying crap in a thousand other pre-programmed neighborhoods. You have stupid fucking “careers.” GO AWAY!!!!!

Burning Car of the Day

Guess what assholes… I’m not gonna join some arty community association to “participate” in your little so-called “urban renewal.” I’m not gonna get to know my new neighbors who call the cops on me for welding in my own driveway, for having a band perform in my space or for playing capture-the-flag in their precious over developed, crappy “greenbelt.” I’m gonna rev my open piped bike at all hours of the night. I’m gonna help the Mexican family build a chicken coop next to your condos. I’m gonna slash your tires and shoot your useless dog. I’m gonna drop bricks on the cop cars that show up for your weakling noise complaints. I’m gonna spraypaint your walls with unauthorized, unpurchased art. This isn’t a new declaration of war… just the same old war that never ceases.

But for now, I’m exhausted… I’m gonna take a shower, read a good book, pet my surly cat and get some sleep. Class War is tiring stuff after all.

P.S. Just kidding.

P.S.S. Not really, assholes.

  • A link offered so as to end on a slight note of relief…

Banksy at the West Bank

Banksy at the West Bank wall

Probably the most famous agitprop/graffiti artist today. It’s interesting stuff. I realize graffiti highlighting the state of apartheid in Palestine might not serve to soften the anger of this post, but the images speak to me in different ways and seem to be relevant to my present mood. His work is a positive and creative light no matter what the subject.


~ by grouchosuave on January 27, 2007.

6 Responses to “Have You Ever Felt Like Just Shooting A Poodle In The Head with a Shotgun?”

  1. Ha! Couldn’t of said it better myself. Sweet bitter reality…

  2. Ah, savage company; but in the church
    With saints, and in the taverns with the gluttons.
    – Inferno (XXII, 13)

  3. great post. i am a fan.

  4. Me too.

  5. Deep stuff ma.. But loving every single word. Thanks 🙂

  6. sorry i meant to spell Man* not ma XD

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